It has been two weeks again, and I just could not post… I am extremely busy and my busy is different. My busy has to do with the time I spend to prepare and since I am a teacher by calling and I teach every single day, hours and hours of my nights are spent ensuring that I am ready for my tasks during the day. Translation; once I am done for the day, the last thing I want to do is blog. Yes, I said it, and it is MY TRUTH!
However, this is not the entire story. Another reason why I don’t get to do sometimes is because I care too much. I care a lot about whether people are being impacted by what I do, I care about what others think about my work, then I care about silly things like the fact that everyone is talking anyway and most of what they say is noise; yet it seems like the noise is gaining ground so why bother to do my bit when impact isn’t a guaranty? So I stop…
When you care too much, it can be a sign of so many things but there is this one thing we sometimes don’t think it is a symptom of, yet it is! Would you agree with me if I told you that the real manifestation when we care too much is that we live and die with the potential inside of us? The need for it to be perfect, the fear that you will fall short and the BIG one for me, the fear of failure… all these can combine to make you not bother with something that you were clearly born to do. Or in some cases, you don’t give it your all simply because it gives you a plausible excuse why it didn’t work; something like; ‘ it didn’t work because I didn’t give it my all…’
So… you will be amazed how many meetings I didn’t take because I cared too much. It will surprise you how many forms I refused to fill because I cared too much. You will not believe how many relationships I sabotaged by not making myself available just because I didn’t want to be around when they ended or failed…and so many more!
The thing about caring too much is that in our drive for perfect experiences, we may actually miss out of the simplicities that life give us to enjoy. I get it, that I care too much isn’t a weakness, at least not one I am willing to admit, it is just that I have to have a plan…after all, it doesn’t seem like it will work, especially as it failed in the past! When you care too much, you need a coping mechanism and mine is to shut down before it fails…it is how I deal with anticipated failure and regret and it has worked over time.
The only problem is that in the end, while I am spared the feeling that failure brings and I am saved from the fierce heat of regret, somewhere deep within me still nags the feeling that I could have done more. That feeling that is triggered by the size of my potential. I am talking to myself and I am committed to keeping it going this time. It is possible that I will fail at it, it is possible that I will regret the time, effort and resources committed to doing this, but I now know that the pain of underachieving is nothing compared to knowing in the end that I stopped short, the pain of knowing that if I had gone a step more, a day more, one conversation further, I would have made it is one I am not willing to explore.
So I know you care, I know you care too much. I only pray you don’t stop short simply because the outcome is not guaranteed. Go one more day, touch one more life, stick with it longer than usual…because even as there is no guaranty that it will work, who says IT WON’T?
Till next time…
Embrace Your SuperPower!
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